The Ghost Warns
Jirair Tutunjian
Late one night, President Recep Erdogan was poring over the map of the Middle East as he followed the Israeli and junior partner America’s attack on the Islamic Republic of Iran. Erdogan heard a persistent shuffling sound. When he finally raised his head, he saw an apparition, a phantom wearing a fez. The somber and downcast ghost recalled the features of Mustafa Kemal, aka Ataturk.
Erdogan: (rubbing his eyes) Time to go to sleep. I am beginning to see things.
Ghost: You are not seeing things. I am the ghost of Ataturk.
Erdogan: You are an AI creation by my humorous friends or by my enemies.
Ghost: I know you are hostile to me because you resent my eminence and my title. Let’s put aside our feelings for the sake of Turkey. I am the ghost of Ataturk.
Erdogan: Yeah, it’s funny that someone who didn’t have children—adoptions don’t count—can become the father of 85 million people.
Ghost: I swallowed my pride and came to see you for the sake of our country.
Erdogan: What do you mean? We are doing fine. All our neighbors are afraid of us. We have beaten the Kurds, cowed Armenia, Greece, and Cyprus. We have grabbed parts of northern Syria. We have the second-largest NATO army.
Ghost: You are delusional. Here you are watching with relish the bombing of Iran by the Zionist Duo.
Erdogan: Of course I want Iran to lose its powerful position in the Middle East. We are rivals: We are the strongest Sunni country while they are the strongest Shiite country. They are our natural rivals.
Ghost: I can’t believe you are so unsophisticated in your thinking.
Erdogan: Enough of this AI farce. I will call the guards and dismantle the contraption which created you.
Ghost: Don’t be rash. I am talking about the future of our country. I will not stand by and watch you lose the country I created.
Erdogan: What are you talking about, old man?
Ghost: Don’t be rash. Don’t let your rivalry and jealousy sabotage your thinking. As you implied, you want to see Iran defeated so you could become the sole Champion of Islam. The sole padishah. Up there with Suleiman the Magnificent.
Erdogan: Why not?
Ghost: Tell me what will happen after Iran is defeated?
Erdogan: Turkey’s prestige will soar.
Ghost. Wrong, wrong. A thousand times wrong. For a long time I have been worried about the rise of Israel.
Erdogan: Why worried. They are friends. While for public consumption, we condemn their unpleasant activities in Gaza, we allow Azerbaijan fuel flow through Turkey for delivery to Haifa.
Ghost: Everyone knows that. In the past forty years, Israel has eliminated all of its Arab neighbors as threats. Now it is trying to destroy Iran. Tell me something: what will Israel do after Iran is out of the picture.
Erdogan: Aaaaah, I get it. You are telling me Tell Aviv will attack us. You, being a senile old man, forget we have the biggest army in the Middle East.
Ghost: You are deluding yourself. Your huge army is of no use when Israel’s air force is supreme in the skies. And if that is not sufficient threat, Israel has more than 100 nuclear war heads. One bomb each on Istanbul and Ankara would flatten those two cities and kill as many as 15 million to 20 million people.
Erdogan: What makes you so paranoid?
Ghost: I read tomorrow morning’s headline which you haven’t seen. There are advantages to being ghosts. Now, listen carefully what leading newspapers will say tomorrow: “Former Israeli Prime Minister Naftali Bennett said Turkey is a strategic rival. Meanwhile, several Israeli watchers have recommended that after Tehran is vanquished, Israel should turn it guns towards Ankara.”
Erdogan: That’s just talk.
Ghost: It’s not. Right wing Israeli map experts have said southern Turkey is part of the Biblical lands of the Jews. I will not stand by while you oversee the destruction of the country I created. Goodnight.
Erdogan: Wait, wait, where are you going?
Ghost: To Rawalpindi. Pakistan has an unknown number of nuclear bombs. Goodnight.
