Ring, Ring…it’s Donny
By Jirair Tutunjian
President Trump: Hello, hello. Nicky, it’s me…Donald Trump, the President of Make America Great Again transactional reformation.
Prime Minister Pashinyan: Hello, Mr. President of the greatest country ever. I am concerned with your multiple burdens: Venezuela, Cuba, Canada, Greenland, Denmark, NATO, Ukraine, Gaza, China, Ethiopia, the $40 trillion debt, Iran…
Trump: Not to worry. I am as strong as a bull. How is the highway coming along?
Pashinyan: Which highway Mr. President?
Trump: Nicky, don’t give me that Armenian carpet seller guff. I am talking about MY highway…the beautiful, fantastic, historic Trump Highway.
Pashinyan: Mr. President, you mean the Tripp Road.
Trump: Don’t give me the bumpkin routine again, Nicky. I can have you turfed in a jiffy.
Pashinyan: I am sorry, Mr. President.
Trump: Now you are talking. Let’s get down to brass tacks.
Pashinyan: Sorry, Mr. President. We mine several metals but we don’t manufacture brass.
Trump: Jesuuuuus. I was told these people were good with languages. Nicky. Stop and listen. I want the highway’s name changed from TRIPP to TRUMP Freeway.
Pashinyan: Umm…this change will require the approval of my good friends Mr. Erdogan and Mr. Aliyev.
Trump: Leme worry about dat. Ali Tev is a lumbering, slow-witted pushover….Aaah, forget it. You wouldn’t recognize a pushover although
You are one also.
Pashinyan: Whatever you say, Mr. Trump.
Trump: I also want two statues of me erected at both ends of my freeway. They should be 50 ft. high and visible for many miles. I understand you people are good with carving statues…what’s the name of that Armenian wrestler who is building a dinosaur-size statue of Christ? He typically has an unpronounceable Alba…Armen…
Pashinyan: Mr. President, we can do that, but who will pay for the carving of the statues and their installation?
Trump: You’ve been prime minister for eight years. You must know by now that you don’t say “No” to the greatest president of the greatest country in world history. You pay. Capiche?
Pashinyan: Is that the name of an American bank?
Trump: Awww…forgedaboutit. Now, listen, Nicky…you are getting on my nerves. Have you decided how much you would charge per vehicle or person crossing my freeway?
Pashinyan: We are negotiating with my good friends…
Trump: Yeah, yeah, yeah…the Turkic Twins. Tweedledee, Tweedledum.
Since it’s my highway, you will deposit 50 percent of the ticket price in “The Donald” account at the South California American Mercantile, SCAM for short.
Pashinyan: Ummm.
Trump: Don’t “ummmm” me. And another thing: each ticket should have my image on it.
Pashinyan: With all due respect, Mr. President…
Trump: Respect is a four-letter word in my book. I respect only hard cash. Sava? That’s French, you know.
Pashinyan: Anything else, Mr. President?
Trump: Now that you mention it…I have something else on my to do-list. You people have thousands of churches and millions of saints…I bet more than Pope Alzheimer has. Now that you have tamed your Armenian Pope, why don’t you tell him to sanctify me and name one of your million churches the “Donald Trump Church”? After all, I saved you from the clutches of the Twin Turks.
Pashinyan: You have a point, Mr. President. Why not instead name it the St. Donald Trump Cathedral?
Trump: Now you’re talking, Nikol.
