Turkey Trains Turkic Censors

By Jirair Tutunjian

Since the collapse of the Soviet Union, Turkey has assumed the unsolicited role as big brother to the dictators of Central Asia’s five Turkic states. Chaffing under the oppressive administration of the dictatorial Turkic Five, some Central Asian journalists have exposed the shortcomings of their rulers thus precipitating violence and unrest. President Recep Erdogan has invited pro-government Central Asian editors to take a free media course at Turkey’s highly-effective Directorate of Communications in Ankara on how to silence Central Asia’s “anti-government” journalists.

Prof. Kaduh Seelyg: Hoshgeldiniz ghardashlar. I am the director of the

Directorate of Communications. Before starting the course, I would like to hear that you agree Turkey is the engine which will guide the brotherly five Turkic states of Central Asia to form a block–from the Adriatic to the Chinese border–to choke our eternal foe Russia and to accelerate its demise.

The five editors from Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan: Yes. Yes. Certainly. Of course.

Prof. K.S.: To preserve confidentiality, we have no textbooks. The loose pages, which my executive assistant will give to you following the lecture, will be your textbook.

Chapter One: The freedom of the press is a European and Christian haram construct.

Simsek Kilik: What about Arab countries such as Lebanon where press freedom is fundamental?

K.S.: Lebanon is a corrupt and heathen country. It was their press freedom which caused the destruction of the country.

Chapter Two: Knowingly and unknowingly, unrestrained press freedom would provide vital information to the enemies of the Turkic Islamic world.

Gul Sapsz: Do you think it’s right for a single company to own radio, newspaper, magazine, and television in the same market.

Prof. K.S.: If the single company is a right-thinking company, I don’t see any problem.

Chapter Three: How to shape a nation’s news. When you become the head of your nation’s communication bureau, your first job is to invite all magazine, newspaper, radio, and TV editors to a conference where they will be told the dos and don’ts of their job…ideologically speaking. The ideology, of course, is decided by your president.

You should tell these editors that ignoring the rules would result in their imprisonment and even the closure of their outlet.

Eet Suylu: It’s a clear and efficient management policy.

Prof. K.S.: We have applied this policy very successfully in Turkey. Now chapter four: The easiest way to control the media is to have media owners who support the government. Thus, publication and electronic media permits should be given only to pro-government media owners.

Boghaz Culuk: But is it democratic to demand that the media outlet obtain a license or permit?

Prof. K.S: Democracy is a mendacious and hypocritical idea. Look around you. Is there a country which is democratic? In the U.S., the so-called leader of democracy, millions of dollars are spent in presidential elections. Where does the money come from? Why is it donated? Thus, the presidential candidate is compromised even before being elected. The widow of billionaire Edelman gave Trump more than $100 million to make sure the American president obeyed Israel’s Satanyahu. Granting democracy to citizens is like giving a knife to a child.

Ahbal Sakhatt: Media permits guarantee that journalists will behave. No permit means no newspaper and no newspaper means unemployment.

Prof. K.S.: Right. The idea is to create an environment where journalists avoid controversial topics so as to evade negative repercussions.

That brings me to chapter five. I mentioned negative motivations: now let’s talk about positive reinforcement. The government can inject funds into the media outlets by buying ad pages. The editor and the journalists will know that the salary which puts food on their family dinner table is supported by the government. Conversely, the government would not advertise in media which are not sufficiently supportive of government policies.

Akraz Bozadak: Professor, what about the Internet?

Prof. K.S.: I was coming to that. It’s chapter six. The government would use legal measures to shut down social media platforms, especially during political and social unrest.

Boyuk Boghaz: How do we control social media platforms when there are numerous platforms and countless followers?

Prof. K.S.: Don’t you worry about that. That’s chapter seven. We monitor all social media communications.

Boyuk Boghaz: How?

Prof. K.S.: We have the best monitoring system… it’s manufactured by…you know… ummm…the Judas entity…Israel. We got it when President Erdogan didn’t know about the Lucefirian nature of genocidal Satanyahu.