What Makes Trump Run?
Part I
Some days His Majesty Donald of the Orange dynasty just can’t win. Despite his herculean and successful effort to arrange peace among eighteen warring nations, the modern Mandela was denied the Nobel Peace Prize by the milquetoast children of the Vikings.
These usual suspects also criticize Emperor Donald I now that he has taken corrective action to halt the smuggling of Venezuelan drugs hidden in piranha bellies. The usual wet blankets, misguided pacifists, treacherous Trotskyites, garden variety anti-Americans, useful idiots, and perennial milquetoasts are condemning the Emperor’s January 3 peace-and democracy-establishing mission in Cocaineland calling it naked imperialism and Donroe Doctrine.
These same traitors who do not admit the necessity of Operation Cocainland also don’t recognize Emperor Donald’s below nine peace-making achievements of the past year.
- Peace between Armenia and Cambodia
- Peace between Albania and Aerbijistan
- Peace between Israel and Humos
- Peace between Eye Ran and Israel
- Peace between Eye Ran and Pakistan
- Peace between Eye Rack and Islamists
- Peace between Row Wanda and Conga.
- Peace between Egypt and Utopia.
- Peace between Thigh Land and Cambodia.
Despite the malicious attacks to diminish the above achievements and to depict the above as hollow, unsuccessful and PR-driven, Emperor Donald continues his mission to make Planet Earth more hospitable for its residents.
The first step in that humanistic mission is to reduce the world population to a manageable 3 billion. Thus, with that noble goal in mind, he has hired such great thinkers as Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Joe Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Daron Acemoglu, Peter Thiel, Alex Karp, Stephen Cohen, the long-forgiven Dr. Anthony Fauci, and a bouquet of Mossad secret agents.
Emperor Donald has been denied the Nobel Peace Prize, but that inexplicable decision will not discourage him from bringing eternal peace to the Blue Planet through the Donroe Doctrine.
Part II
White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller: “Howard, have you noticed that the President whispers: ‘Alex, here I come’ whenever he sticks his name to yet another building?”
‘Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick: “Sure have. When he slapped his name on the Kennedy Center…when that highway in Armenia was named Trump. I don’t know who Alex is…perhaps he is a rival.”
Two schools of etymologists disagree on the origin of Donald Trump’s family name. The first maintains the origin is the German “Drumpf/Trumph” meaning drummer. The other says it’s the French “Trompe” meaning trumpet. Either way, the instruments are loud like Trump. He is in love with his name, ignoring the fact that his grandfather (the patriarch of the family) ran a brothel in a northern British Columbia mining town thus reviling his name while establishing the foundations of the Trump Inc.
These days when not ordering the sinking of Venezuelan fishing boats, insulting Canadians and Europeans, claiming Greenland, changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico and filling the coffers of his billionaire friends who had donated for his election campaign, Trump is busy devising:
—The Trump Gold Card which will offer U.S. citizenship to wealthy immigrants who gift $1 million to the U.S. Treasury. There is also talk of a Trump Platinum Card which will give U.S. citizenship to alien corporations which cough up $5 million. Should we assume one day there will be $25 million Trump Titanium Card for multi-national corporations?
—Plans are underway to imprint Trump’s image on National Park passes.
—Washington D.C. Metro to change to Trump Train.
—Imprint Trump’s orange pastel face on the $100 bill.
—According to widespread rumor, the U.S. President would like to see his image on Mount Rushmore, hair-piece to hair-piece with Washington…
While Trump wants to elevate his name to Mount Olympus heights, he must resent the 4,900 American undesirables who share his august name and drag it down.
Talking about Greeks, there was an Alexander of Macedonia (356 B.C-323 B.C.) who was known as Alexander the Great because of his conquests in three continents. He lent his name to Alexandria (Egypt), Bay of Alexandretta in Occupied Cilicia (Turkey), seven urban centers in Afghanistan, several in Pakistan, and one in Tajikistan. Afghanistan’s Kandahar is a corruption of Alexander.
Thus, it’s possible America’s 47th President is referring to his competition with Alexander the Great when he whispers “Alex, here I come.”
It’s painful to note that the 79-year-old billionaire is competing with a man who died 2,350 years ago at the age of thirty-three. Trump is too dense to note that he already dominates most of the globe while Alexander ruled briefly over a handful of mostly desert lands.
*****
Jirair Tutunjian, born in Jerusalem, has lived in Canada for the past sixty years. During his fifty-five-year award-winning career as a journalist, he has edited/managed/published six consumer and business magazines and authored six books: “Convent to Cypresses, A Hill of Bones”, “Three collections of editorials, reviews, columns, historical research articles”, and “Armenian Greats—Known and Unknown” . His next book, scheduled to be published next spring, is “Do Mice Drink Wine?” It’s a collection of non-fiction short stories. Tutunjian was the editor-in-chief of Keghart (2009-2016). During his long career, Tutunjian has reported from 85 countries.
