A Little Humor Mr. U-Turn Erdogan
By Jirair Tutunjian
Concerned with her husband’s unpredictable behavior and deteriorating mental condition, a few weeks ago Emine Erdogan flew with her husband in a private jet to Switzerland. Their sons—Necemeddin Bilal and Ahmet Burak accompanied them on the hush-hush flight which took from a secret airport. Mr. Erdogan thought they were going on vacation. In fact, they were headed to the hotel-cum sanatorium Lindenhof-Gunzenhaus-
While Erdogan was being given a head-to-toes massage, Mrs. Erdogan was interviewed by Herr Doktor Achdung-Schtumpf.
DR: Tell me why do you think your husband is suffering from mental problems?
EA: I don’t think it’s right to say he is suffering from mental problems. I would say he suffers from double personality disorder.
DR: Please give me examples of the alleged disorder.
EA: Evet. Several years ago he announced a policy of “Zero problems with neighbors.” But the statement’s ink had hardly dried when he threatened Armenia, Cyprus, Greece, Syria and the Kurds.
DR: What you call contradiction is a sign of astute strategy. Pardon me for pointing out…it’s a necessary congenital syndrome-pattern among deft politicians, Ja.
EA: But he also denounced Israel several times yet continued to maintain $10 billion annual trade with Israel. He said he would liberate Jerusalem Mubarak, but
DR: Again, I say…
AE: How about the fracas with Emmanuel Macron? My husband said Macron needed his head examined…what’s the word for that? It’s at the tip of my tongue.
DR: You are thinking of projection.
AE: Yes, yes, that’s the word. For example, because he hates Greeks, he could project that hostility by assuming Greece is about to attack us. That unfounded suspicion would be the incentive for him to declare war against Greece. His fear of Greece is paranoia since we are many times stronger than Greece.
DR: Why do you think he is so hostile towards Greece?
AE: It’s not just politics. It’s visceral: I think it’s because there is credible evidence that he is of Greek origin.
DR: Ummm. You are saying he is overcompensating by threatening Greece. Ja? We are entering muddy waters.
AE: There’s nothing muddy about what he called European heads of state. Turkey would have vanished in the times of the sultans if the European states had not protected it against Russia, armed it, and trained its army. Otherwise, Turkey would have been part of Greece and Armenia. The Europeans industrialized Turkey. Without European investments, Turkey’s economy would have collapsed long ago. He even called the heads of Germany and Holland “Nazis,” although for more than a century Germany has been our godfather.
DR: I am aware of the great debt Turkey owes Germany. I don’t think the Turkish Airlines would have had its current high profile were it not for the technical and training support of Lufthansa German Airlines.
AE: What would you call his yo-yo relations with Vladimir Putin? One day it’s “Brother Vladimir” and the next he sells drones to Ukraine. One day Russia will build billion-dollar nucl
DR: It sounds serious.
AE: Have you followed his dizzying U-turn economics? One day he scoffs at orthodox economics, ridicules his economic advisers and the next month he is a believer in economic orthodoxy. You know it reminds me of gangsters in second-rate movies who give their victims hot and cold treatment.
DR: You are an observant person. Congratulations.
AE: It’s not just politics. He is changeable in his private life too. One day he says our eldest son is his favorite but the following day says he loves our four children equally. One day he hates tea and the next day he drinks a whole pot.
The clinic’s door suddenly opens with a bang and Erdogan barges in. His sons try to restrain him.
Erdogan: Hah! I caught you. You brought me here to Antalya so that you could meet your secret lover. Nicmeddin Bilal, Ahmet Burak…my sons…quick… call my body guards and the imam. I say: Talak, Talak, Talak. Three times to guarantee divorce.
