How Pashinyan Metes Justice
By Jirair Tutunjian
King Louis XIV of France did not utter the apocryphal “L’Etat c’est moi,”
but Nikol Pashinyan did say: “I am the government.”
Stalin sent his enemies to Siberian gulags. A humanist and modern man, Pashinyan isn’t into violence. He abhors war and thinks it’s uncouth. Rather than executing people he suspects are his enemies, he prefers to deny them livelihood. Welcome to the Wonderful World Nikol.
Take the case of Lilit Ghazaryan. A 30-year veteran at the Center for Drug and Medical Technology. She was expelled by Pashinyan because her brother was a Strong Armenia party candidate in the June election. Strong Armenia opposes Pashinyan.
Being busy attending summits all over the globe, Pashinyan can’t investigate his long train of “enemies” and to condemn them. Instead, he has appointed two acolytes as judges who would get rid of NP’s perceived enemies.
We visited the courtroom recently and listened to the two “judges”: Kakik Shahaperyan and Luma Sarafyan. They go way back with Nikol …to a time when he was a hungry editor of a failing publication. Kakik and Luma sold Niko’s paper at Yerevan street corners. Their rise in status is another illustration of Pashinyan’s remarkable economic policies.
Judge Kakik: What reason should we give for firing YSU lecturer Hayastan Hakobyan?
Luma Sarafyan: That’s easy: When policemen searched her house, they found Soviet stamps and “Crime and Punishment” by Fyodor Dostoyevski. You know he was fanatical Christian and a plotter against Tsar Nicholas I. He was also a gambler.
Judge Kakik: There’s a Lilit Ghazaryan. She’s a 30-year veteran at the Center for Drug and Medical Technology. She has to go.
Luma Sarafyan: Agreed, but we have to give a different reason rather than say she disapproved of Nikol. How about reports which prove she is subversive? When the police went through her personal library, they found books which were frequently underlined. The underlines asserted Diaspora writers were superior to Eastern Armenia writers and had an international perspective.
Judge Kakik: This next one is tough. His name is Alen Ghulyan. He is university lecturer. He has done nothing.
Judge Luma: Someone said, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Ghulyan receives Diaspora publications. When our security inspectors checked his garbage container, they found several articles which praised Sargsyan and Kocharyan.
Judge Kakig: Who’s next? Ah…it’s Ruben Melikian. He taught at a university for 23 years
Judge Luma: Sorry, I can’t think of anything he might have done and said against the Master.
Judge Kakig: Be realistic. If his name is here, it means he is guilty. How about this? His sister is married to a fascist Tashnag. There’s another charge against him: He spells his name with “ian” and not the patriotic “yan.”
Judge Luma: There’s an Anoush…
Judge Kakik: Does she spell her name the foreign way?
Judge Luma: No, no. Anush Setrakyan taught foreign literature at YSU. You know the type: quoting Shakespeare and Proust all day long and make snide comments about our democracy. When she can’t find a job she will discover quoting Flaubert will not put tonir bread in her mouth.
Judge Kakik: You know…meting compassionate justice is psychologically and physically draining. It’s not for everyone. Let’s take a break. Pass the Jermouk.
Judge Luma: Just in time, too. There’s just one more name for today: Shushan Vartanyan. Another egghead lecturer at some university.
Judge Kakik: What’s her crime?
Judge Luma: Who cares? If she is accused, it means that she is guilty.
Judge Kakik: Is tomorrow’s brief thick?
Judge Luma: Funny question. Our master has many treacherous enemies. Hey, tomorrow’s list has a fourteen-year-old boy.
Judge Kakik: What’s his crime?
Judge Kakik: I don’t know. We will think of something.
Note: The above accused are citizens of Armenia who were fired for a variety of “reasons” but the real reason is that they didn’t think fulminating, foul-mouthed, cowardly, and treacherous Pashinyan is God’s gift to the Armenian nation.
