In Appreciation of Pashinyan
By Jirair Tutunjian
To express their appreciation for Prime Minister NikolPashinyan’s serv
Erdogan: Nikol, I am glad you took the time off from the busy election campaign to join us.
Pashinyan: It’s always a pleasure to see you and brother Aliyev.
Aliyev: We also wanted to thank you for deleting Mt. Agri [Turkish for Mt. Ararat] from your passport stamps.
Erdogan: That’s a modest improvement. Down the road, we expect more friendly measures from you.
Aliyev: For example, we want you to remove Mt. Agri from your coat-of-arms. Also the lions and eagles from the insignia.
Erdogan: As you know, lions have never inhabited in Armenia.
Pashinyan: The star and the crescent are not native to Turkey.
Erdogan: Ho, ho, ho. A witty Armenian. By the way, it’s Turkiye.
Pashinyan: Sorry.
Aliyev: We want you to take more steps to demonstrate your submission..errr…cooperation
Pashinyan: What do you have in mind?
Aliyev: We have learned several Armenian MPs mean to provoke us. It would not be wise.
Pashinyan: You know I cooperate with you, but I can’t do anything unless you explain the provocative measures.
Erdogan: Two foolish Armenian MPs want to raise the profile of your so-called victory at the so-called Battle of Sardarabad a million years ago.
Pashinyan: It’s news to me. Who are the MPs?
Aliyev: You can’t expect us to remember the names of some Armenian MPs from a country which has more than 100 political parties.
Erdogan: Let me explain. These foolish MPs want to make a visit to the Sardarabad Monument a must on the itinerary of visiting dignitaries.
Aliyev: Very, very foolish.
Erdogan: These MPs say dignitaries visiting Israel are always dragged to the Masada fortress where a million years ago about a thousand rebellious Jews committed mass suicide rather than surrender to the Romans. They say Presidents Biden, Obama, Bush, Clinton have visited Masada to pay their respects. These wayward MPs want to drag visiting dignitaries to your fake monument so as to brag about Armenia’s victory.
Pashinyan: I don’t know why you are so worked about two MPs who are on a mission impossible. I might not recognize them even if you gave me their names.
Aliyev: So, it’s set: no Sardarabad jount.
Pashinyan: Anything else?
Erdogan: I understand there are towns and communities in Armenia which have the same name as Turkish cities but with “New” preceding them. This practice more than suggests revanchist tendencies on Armenia’s part…that you want to keep alive the name and someday grab them.
Pashinyan: With all due respect, brother Recep: You have 85 million people while Brother Aliyev has ten million. That’s thirty-three times our population. You also have the second-largest NATO army. These names are sentimental gestures. However, if you strongly object to the names, I can re-name them.
Erdogan: You see, had your people in 1915 been cooperative as you are now, there would have been no gen… you know…isolated violence against them.
Pashinyan: May I have another cup of your delicious Turkish coffee?
Erdogan: Efferim, Nikol.
After Pashinyan departs, Aliye
Erdogan: What’s the matter with you?
Aliyev: The cunning little Armenian agreed with everything we demanded. He didn’t give us an excuse to move on Western Azerbaijan.
Erdogan: What I demanded is just the beginning, my friend. The Chinese proverb says the worst torture is applied drop by drop.
Aliyev: You are so well-read, older brother. Do you think he will win?
Erdogan: Nikola is leading in the polls and the opposition, per tradition, is divided. A significant percentage of the voters say they will not vote. Others say they will damage the election chits. Welcome to the Republic of Nikola.
