A Little Humor Avaricious Vatican Covets San Lazzaro

By Jirair Tutunjian

 

After the Armenian Quarter in Jerusalem, the 7.4-acre San Lazzaro islet off Venice is perhaps the most important Armenian real estate outside Armenia. Recent aggressive moves by the Vatican leave no doubt the current successor of the notorious Pope Alexander Borgia wants to grab the island the Catholic Mekhitarist clergy have owned and occupied for more than three centuries. Below is a fictional phone conversation between fictional Cardinal Marcello Medzaluna of Vatican’s real estate acquisition office and Monseigneur Arev Lusignan, administrator of the Armenian island.

Cardinal Marcello Medzaluna: Greetings, brother Arev.

Monseigneur Arev Lusignan: Greetings.

CMM: We, at the Holy Office of the Vatican, are naturally concerned in the diminishing number of clergymen at San Lazzaro.

MAL: Our numbers have always gone up and down. I am not worried.You shouldn’t be either.

CMM: They are also getting old.

MAL: Who isn’t?

CMM: We are also concerned in the security of the sacred relics, the 200,000 books, publications, religious paintings and statues, the Etruscan vases, Aivazovsky’s paintings, the Egyptian mummies, the oldest sword and ancient documents…

MAL: We have the latest in security technology in place.

CMM: How about your finances?

MAL: Of course we don’t have the revenues you receive as landlord,

The amounts you cash from the sale of stamps, coins, postcards, medals and commemorative publications. I understand you also get your water at no charge from Rome’s municipality in addition to tax breaks Vatican receives.

CMM: The Holy Father intends to send investigators to curate the island’s inventory.

MAL: Everyone knows the Vatican is in dire financial state. Donations are down. Last year, the Vatican failed to balance its budget and had an operating loss of $87 million and was on the brink of bankruptcy. The Holy Father’s liberal attitude regarding sexual matters have alienated millions of Catholics around world who have stopped donating money to Vatican. Many of these loyal sons and daughters of St. Peter have put aside their rosaries, stopped attending church, and have denounced the “progressive” statements of the Holy Father. Clergymen and nuns are leaving their orders in droves.

CMM: The Holy Father insists that we do an inventory of the island’s possessions.

MAL: I would like to remind you that San Lazzaro doesn’t belong to the Vatican or to the Catholic Church. The island was given to our founder Mekhitar Sebasdatsi in 1717 by the Republic of Venice. We have always been a positive presence locally and internationally.

CMM: The Vatican has never accepted your ownership of the island.

MAL: The Holy Father, despite Vatican’s propaganda office, is far from being infallible. I don’t think the Pope is a lawyer or real estate agent either.

I am wondering whether Vatican’s sudden animus towards us has anything to do with the Pope’s recent visit to Azerbaijan. The Pope and his ambassador to Azerbaijan congratulated the murderous dictator Ilham Aliyev for “promoting a peaceful relationship among Catholics, Muslims, and Jews.” The Holy Father somehow ignored the fact that there are FEWER THAN 600 CATHOLICS IN AZERBAIJAN. He also said he was happy to see peace between Armenia and Turkey Jr., ignoring the “peace treaty” isn’t worth the paper it’s written because it was achieved under duress.

While hailing Aliyev for promoting Muslim-Christian friendship, the Holy Father had a failure of memory (like our founder St. Peter at Gethsemane) when he forgot that nearly 200,000 Armenians fled from Azerbaijan because they faced pogroms by the tolerant Azerbaijanis. A few years ago the Pope awarded Vatican’s highest honor—The Grand Cross—to the Azerbaijan’s bloody dictator who last year drove 120,000 Armenians from their Nagorno-Karabakh homeland. The awarding of the Grand Cross was followed by an estimated $15 million donation to the Vatican by the Heydar Aliyev Foundation which is headed by Mrs. Aliyev. Just a few days ago, Azerbaijan’s ambassador was also bestowed Vatican’s top honor while a symposium in Rome highlighted the architecture of Armenian churches which the Azeri participants identified as ancient Albanian.

I am saddened by the Pope’s malicious transparent policy. He has gone to great lengths to legitimize the genocidal Aliyev dictatorship of Azerbaijan

CMM: Why doing an inventory of San Lazzaro related to the good relations between the Holy See and Baku?

MAL: To keep the Azeri manats flowing into the Vatican coffers, the Holy Father believes he should demonstrate hostility toward Armenians. And what’s an easier target than a tiny island?

CMM: You are paranoid.

MAL: Paranoids can have enemies too. Please remind the Holy Father the words of Christ: “You can’t serve both God and money” (Matthew 6:24.)