A little sarcasm: Bloviating Anteater Pinocchio Has Innovative Demands
By Jirair Tutunjian
While the world was looking forward to the dragged out peace treaty between Armenia and the petrodollar dictatorship Azerbaijan aka Turkey Jr., Baku’s Baby Aliyev recently threw in the monkey wrench peace prospects with the below missive to Boy Scout Nicky Pashinyan, the putative leader of Armenia. Although the contents of the letter are still held under wraps, one of our moles managed to get a copy of what Ill Ham wrote.
1. Armenia should exile revanchists, irredentists, uncompromising ultra-nationalists, xenophobes, Turk haters, obscurantists, political opportunists, and fly-by-night adventurers since they pose a threat to Azerbaijan.
2. Armenia’s previous leaders (Ter-Petrosyan, Kocharyan, and Sarksyan) should be jailed for supporting the illegal “state” of Artsakh.
3. There should be drastic changes in Armenia’s coat-of-arms: the three aggressive-looking lions and three violent-looking eagles should be removed and replaced by six deer. Mount Agri (Turkish name of Mount Ararat—Editor) should be dropped.
4. Armenia’s national anthem is misogynist. It includes 1 “man,” 1 “His,” 1 “Fatherland,” 1 “Man,” 1 “Sons,” 1 “Brother.” The anthem should be unisex by including female pronouns.
5. The so-called Genocide Museum should be shuttered and its contents burned. The so-called god Vahakn, Haig Nahabed, Vartan Mamigonian, et al should be pulverized.
6. Any reference to the so-called genocide of Armenians should be removed from textbooks.
7. Financially compensate the 250,000 Azerbaijanis who were driven from Armenia more than thirty years ago.
8. Return to France and to India weapons Armenia bought from these two countries in recent years.
9. Armenia should recognize the proposed Zangezur Corridor as Azerbaijani territory.
10. Since many of Armenia’s citizens are not natives having descended from Ottoman Armenians and Safavid Persia, you should facilitate their departure from Armenia.
11. Diaspora Armenians, who claim they lost ancestors during the so-called genocide, should not be admitted to Armenia.
12. The Medzamor nuclear reactor should be dismantled to prevent the possibility that war-mongering nuclear scientists might secretly devise nuclear bombs at the site.”
