Suicidal Rats Plot To Sink SS Trump
By Jirair Tutunjian
Eight senior members of the Trump cabinet met recently to plan how to sink the lumbering SS Trump before they go down with the orange tub. To make sure the various security agencies do not suspect their intentions, they met in the White House garden. Being out of touch, they didn’t know long-distant mikes caught their words.
Secretary of War Rev. Pete Hegseth: We have gathered here in the White House garden just as our Lord Jesus Christ met his disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane.
Secretary of Commerce Sleazy Howard Lutnick
Rev. Hegseth: Stop the presses…Howie is Jewish… Mister Howie, stop trying to be a wise guy. According to your Genesis,we are all in the image of God. Since Christ was His son, we are all in Christ’s image.
Chameleon Tulsi Gabbard (head of National Intelligence): I am half East Indian. What does the white man’s holy book say about me? How can we be in God’s image when we are not white?
Bibulous J.D. Vance: We have wasted too much time in idle talk. We are here to sink the Orange Tub. We need ideas which would sink him.
Rev. Hegseth: We should compile a list of his errors in pronunciation.
Lutnick: We should compile a list of his illogical comments.
Chameleon Gabbard: We should compile a list of his erroneous statements.
White House Chief of Staff Big Hair Susie Wiles: We should compile a list of his lies.
Songbird Robert Kennedy, Jr.: The Epstein scandal can end his political career.
Mr. Personality Scott Bessent, Secretary of Finance: We should compile a list of his insults of presidents going back to Washington.
Susie Wiles (Chief of Staff): I see a security man is approaching. The renovated White House will be something special. The President is such a progressive stylist.
After the security detail walks away, Rev. Pete Hesketh: What you say is true. But although most Americans know the Orange Tub’s shortcomings, few people are willing to dump him.
Slick Lutnick: Like everything else in Washington, this story is about money.
Big Hair Wiles: You say that as if you have bumped into a huge secret.
Songbird Kennedy Jr.: His shortcomings are working to his advantage. Pick one big crime and misdemeanor and focus on it. The Epstein scandal has the best potential.
Chameleon Gabbard: The profusion of his crimes have sabotaged any attempt to focus on one big criminal act. The Epstein Scandal has all the elements of an exciting story. It has money, power, crime, espionage, blackmail, international politics, SEX, including with minors.
Mr. Personality Mr. Bissent: There are seven of us. Fortuitously, there are seven crimes and misdemeanors. Each one of us will pick the topic he or she wants to tackle.
Rev. Pete Hesketh: Next we have to decide the media outlets, business interests, lobby groups, etc. which will be our conduit to the public. It’s a dinosaur of a job.
Songbird Robert Kennedy, Jr.: What does Dinah Shore got to do with anything? Dinah Shore has been dead for decades.
Chameleon Gabbard: Rev. Hesketh said “dinosaur” and not Dinah Shore. Some people are too tight with their money to buy a hearing aid.
Several security guards saunter in and tell the Gang of Seven the Orange Tub is about to cut his birthday cake.
“Dear Fellow Americans. I love this country. It’s God’s country. The best country in the universe. You are the greatest people in the cosmos. I learned that word yesterday. Neat, huh? We have the strongest army in the history of all civilizations. By the way, I was kidding when I said I would toss the four-thousand year old Iranian civilization into the Stone Age. You know I am a kidder. I meant toss them to medieval times. I have this fabulous, fantastic, and phantasmagorica
Kiss the sacred American ground and bless the day God gave us this holy land. As you know, I have contributed stupendously to the greatness of our country. And as you know, I am the best president the United States of America has had.
